About NEEDS, FRUSTRATION and DETACHMENT in our contemporary world…

d9b53d_f8307a887b0f4c659789e0d5faabe06eJuly 12th 2015

I had this very interesting talk with a friend tonight and wanted to share it a little bit. Sometimes it’s good to speak a lot and let it go out and you eventually realize that what you really thought was not what you’d imagined !There’s nothing really new in the vision I’d like to outline but still I find it interesting to share.

We do all live nowadays in a consuming world led by pleasure, entertainment, over-expectations towards our own personal pleasure and satisfaction. This includes what we eat, how we dress, our leisure, our sexuality, literally turned into a « sexual need », by our society our relationships, turned into a « relational standard », the way we get dressed, supposed to define our « social affiliation » and so on, and so on… How could a single fellow manage to achieve all of these goals and ideals at once? That’s a big joke. Media, advertisement and influencers are very often shown as the big responsible for that confusion about pleasure in our minds. But I do not agree with that. My point, is that instead of watching the moon we’re focusing on the wise man’s finger, just like the idiot in the old Chinese tale…

It’s up to our own personal responsibility to decide whether we want the bullshit in or out. Whatever happens around me, I’m free to stick to it straight or not. Because I am responsible for what I think, live, experiment. Should we deepen a little bit the analysis, frustration is a much deeper process that does root in the mind itself. There is a protective pattern we all naturally and spontaneously build up in our intra utero life. We’re seeking for the foetus paradise all day long. We’d love to get back to that state of inner comfort and high security we’ve experimented in our mother’s belly. Once grown up, entertaining that need of constant pleasure sounds a bit regressive. But don’t we do so? For sure and we’re getting to meet frustration !But this frustration might root in our misconception of pleasure itself. As far as we live a pleasant experience, whatever it is sensitive, intellectual, spiritual, we definitely want to reproduce it, repeat, a.s.a.p., which is obviously not possible in 99% of the cases. And we’ll soon start complaining about frustration.

Let’s talk about sex, baby… ! When we should actually focus on our own greediness… It’s good to experiment greediness to understand the process and to get to one’s personal conclusion that it is perfect non sense !As far as our greediness, envy, and desire drive our lives, we cannot consider ourselves as free human beings. The point is about feeling concerned with it, getting aware of it. I hear so many people around me speaking about their sexual frustration. Some are frustrated because they can’t find a partner but most of the time the frustration comes from somewhere else. Actually, most of the time there is an “existing” partner but the aforesaid partner is not free enough in their mind to let their behalf experiment what they have to experiment and become a real grown up. So, most of the time, frustration also comes from the fact that we feel limited in our own self-expression by someone external. Then we get divorced, separated, experiment again another few partners and get back to the initial (rooted and secure) pattern. One can complain about their frustration during their entire life like that. I’m not supporting any kind of practise nor denying them either. But I am indeed supporting more self-awareness and more self-loyalty. I’m convinced that a real grown up know their own greediness, know their own desire and shall experiment the benefits and disadvantages of the process until they sort out by themselves what a real balance means.It’s just about going through.This exercise can be applied to food, thoughts, and anything in life actually. It’s simply about being curious, open-minded and not lying too much to ourselves. I have myself experimented an excessive greediness in the past : for life, food, work, affairs and even for sex. As we all do when we get to know ourselves. After a while, I’ve been able to measure what “be excessive” meant and what actually hurt me instead of feeding me.This sounds quite rational.

But what’s really changed it all is how I conceive pleasure in my life. Once you stop considering that you have to run after money, tastes, sexual pleasure at any cost, then you really start to relax. Once you’ve identified your own desire and attachment to a so-called pleasure, you can start the real balancing process. At this point some ideas, fantasies you’ve had in the past seriously start to make you smile ! Because you get to understand that what you’ve identified all your life as a « NEED » was no more than an attachment to a pleasant situation. As long as you get more and more aware of it in your daily life, you get more and more relaxed in front of situations, and your attitude might amazingly slightly change in front of the exact same situation. In the past, if there were no bread in the kitchen, you would feel the loss, get into panic and would always anxiously make sure there’d always be some bread available. Now, you know that there IS bread somewhere (in the kitchen or elsewhere) but you’ve identified that addiction to bread as an attachment. So as long as you know that there IS bread, you won’t necessarily need to eat it. Because you’re aware that it is at your disposal. It’s here, you feel safe about it, you don’t need to rush at it compulsively. It’s the same in our relationships. When you’re no longer in demand, and no longer seeking for the others to complete any part of yourself. When you’re not afraid of losing the others because you’re conscious he/she/they are a part of you, then the miracle can happen.Instead of acting through fear, you’ll start acting through love ; And there’s no sense of frustration. Because you are already fulfilled with love, as a perfect being.

With Love,

A.

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